A Breathless Birthday— Literally
A covid-19 Memoir
26th August 2020 was my birthday. And this time, I knew there was no next time. I’ve been giving up on my dreams all my life and this time, I’m gonna dress up like a princess and feel like a princess. Buuuuut…
The day was definitely unique.
A huge truck went over my chest early in the morning. I thought I was dead!! Soon, my skin was burning and I saw that my dad is struggling with his high fever.
The next thing I remember was standing at the testing center for 4 hours along with a hundred anxious people strolling.
They were all talking to themselves in their heads. Young men, kids, senile couples, pregnant women, all sorts of people in that compound but the same thought running across all of them. “this can’t be covid!! I’m sure gonna get a negative result and I can go home happy”
This is called denial. It’s a phase that comes right after a shocking incident happens. Remember those scenes in the movies when a person dies and their closest one still call their name and ask them to quit games and wake up? Yes, it’s the same denial and I could feel it throbbing in my head.
It can’t be covid! It’s a deadly infection and there’s NO way I would’ve contracted it. Me nor my dad.
I prayed to god and then cringed at myself for not praying everyday. I should’ve had more faith in god and did everything to please him! At least from now on, I will do something that will change god’s mind and test me negative. The stress in the head was horrible.
Receiving birthday calls at this point was another thing! Forcing a smile and saying ‘thaaaank youu’ that wishes you a happy bday on a day like this is exhausting.
How can we tell them that we have symptoms? OMG! That’s worse than HIV. LOL .We cannot tell this to anyone until it’s treated.
Meanwhile, look at those volunteers who have been there at the test centres very single day for the last 6 months. They are so indifferent to the sick people outside. They had no empathy for anyone and they were very very rude. I felt like I deserved that kind of treatment for getting this infection.
The Revelation
A lot of people felt that guilt. As the doctors arrived, and the hustle started, we all felt like we belonged together. For an introvert like me, this feeling came as a shock.I never felt belonging to a place as much as I did at the Covid testing center full of guilty people praying to be tested negative :P .
We assume that staying connecting on smart phone is great but nothing beats coming together with common goals and beliefs.
A few hours standing with no talking and half of us felt like we knew each other!!
We laughed when someone spit while getting the swab . We held the weaker ones. We smiled at each other as we left.
We truly underestimate the power of coming together. We went home knowing that we may have got infected but we are not alone.
There are so many clueless people who had no idea which test they enrolled for and what they should do if they tested positive. It’s okay not to stay informed all the time.
It’s okay not to have all the knowledge in the world.
It’s okay to stay ignorant about useless trash.
What’s important is to SURVIVE.
If you lack the purpose to live, try sleeping in a hospital corridor for a night. You would see endless prayers of hope just for survival.
Family of the sick wait at the doors with the folds between their eyebrows that never seize to drop. All they way is for their loved ones to survive. That is the purpose of life. One needs to survive until life seizes to exist. We are all living inside bodies borrowed from the most intellectual creation. All we need to have is the gratitude for being what we are and experiencing life. Instead, we are caught up in the heat of careers, competition, rat race, jealousy, envy, riches, relationships, .. the list goes on.
Taking a moment to look at life is not planning a holiday once I’m two months and then spending stipulated time there. It’s about true freedom to the soul. It’s about stripping off all limits that we set to ourselves and explore the true self. I’m sure it’s an impossible task in the modern world. It’s so densely interwoven that free will is not that everyone can afford to.
Okay, so coming back to those little pets living in my lungs, I so much wanted to get rid of them. How dare those evil little creatures that cant even show their faces in a microscope threaten me? A Covid-19 virus is like that next generation kid who thinks the world revolves around them and that old people should die! I had to gulp like a hundred tablets and syrups to kill that little brat.
The Lesson learnt
5 days of intense zeal to survive showed me a part of the life I never saw! I remember staying awake in the nights to check on others in my family. I knew how much I love them. I spent most hours in the kitchen trying to get all the concoctions ready along with food. I definitely didn’t bother about the work that’s waiting for me at the office. I didn’t care about any social image, money, or nothing. I loved that phase. Though it was tough times, it’s great to stay unattached to the burdens of social life.
Fast forward to dec 30th 2020 : All the four of us recovered from the infection. Thanks to the doctors, medicines, loved ones and all the great food that nature offers us. It’s time we pay the price of gulping down loads of anti virals and anti biotics.
I have my sincere prayers to all those suffering from this covid 19 infection.
Love life, it will give you back the unexpected.
namaste!
